What matters most to me


This story begins at the moment I first discovered my own determination, somewhere after junior high school. With only a small amount of preparation, I firmly set my sights on starting a journey through this fleeting world. My first step was returning to nature, just like many others do. From that point, my connection to nature only grew stronger. That’s when I began learning about what it means to love.

However, love isn’t merely about speaking what’s in your heart. It also means believing in it so that no space remains for doubt. In its essence, love is simplicity. That’s why it became the proper supply for my journey. You can become anything through what you love. This thought then leads to the next question:

Why are you here in this world?

As someone still young and eager to explore, I would say, “to love nature and everything within.” I’ve formed many friendships, some good, and others incredibly good as well. Just like love, nothing in this world is inherently bad. Even the devil was once the leader of angels *let’s not get too religious here*. Travel to the ends of this world, and you may find God there. Eventually, we would agree that the fundamental purpose of humanity is to be kind to one another.

It might sound idealistic, but those were the words of a man who lived fourteen centuries ago. Peace and blessings be upon him. Perhaps I can’t be good for everyone, but at the very least, I must try. That takes me back to my first idea of love, being good doesn’t require greatness. It doesn’t have to be the work of a prophet for all mankind. Anyone can do good, even if it’s just for another person.

Just a reminder, this isn’t an election campaign.

That was the beginning of my known as an adventurer, climbing mountains, crossing valleys, following rivers into the sea, entering forests and emerging again with a hammer and compass. I was a wanderer, carrying love, limited knowledge, but many friendships. Eventually, a moment came when I knew I had to return home.

“Lelaki itu harus pergi, tapi juga harus kembali karena ada yang harus mengasihi dan dikasihi.” -Gol A. Gong

I read that quote eight years ago, but only recently have I begun to understand its meaning. I had to go, because the world is full of busy people who forget about others. It would be too arrogant to say I should be a role model. I am not a good example. Yet, I still try to be a good human being. That is the one I will always carry with me.

Percaya dirilah dikit, emang cuma politikus yang boleh kepedean?

I am writing this in a small cafe near a hospital in a business city at the edge of the world. I’ve realized that the end of a journey isn’t about reaching the farthest place from other people. It is when we are able to define that destination ourselves. No one truly knows how far you've come, and few care what you've gone through. As long as I can be a good person, that is enough for Bapak. Then I’ll stop here. Although I have not yet done much for the society, at the very least, he can rest peacefully knowing that his son has become a good man. Even if it’s just the bare minimum of what “good” means, I will return home.

#np: Merayakan Fana by Barasuara

Fate has a sense of humor. I shed a tear remembering this, and then laughed with a little girl who greeted me as she walked out of the cafe with her mother. I’ve come a long way, literally to the edge of the world. UTC+12, where the first day begins in our modern calendar. Initially, I pursue knowledge for the good of mankind and maybe I’ve already reached my limit. Strangely enough, I still don’t know where that limit is.

I once asked the Most Merciful, “let me rest, but not with ease.” 

At this point, all I want is to return home. To love those within my closest while remaining a cosmopolitan isn’t such a bad thing for me. Still, through every prayer, I know the path won’t be easy, and I’m not hoping it will be. I’ll give my maximum effort, for my little family in a village on the edge of a small city named Jogja. Finally, to answer the question in the title, Mom, sister, and family wherever you are, I will return to and be with you.




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